Knowing how to temper being nice, too nice, not nice enough or a total ****ker is very fine tooth, walking a tight-rope even, & requires constant practice. Get it wrong, & you’ll forever be plunging your projects into misery along with your team around you but get it just right, *chefs kiss* & your projects will soar, people will love you, champagne will flow & velvet robes will open to the sound of a brass symphony!

In this blog post I want to tear down all the times I’ve got it wrong, how to cope with Agile leaders who don’t have it dialled in yet, & what you can do to be the best you can be.

A reminder of those original Scrum/Agile attributes

Before we start, let’s remind ourselves of the core characteristics we recognise as a ‘good leader’;

1. Servant Leadership – Your role is to support and empower your team, not dictate every move.
2. Courage & Decisiveness – Tough decisions need to be made. Agile leaders don’t shy away from them.
3. Adaptability & Continuous Learning – Agile means embracing change, not resisting it.
4. Emotional Intelligence & Communication – You need to understand people and communicate effectively to inspire trust and confidence.

But here’s where things get tricky—overemphasising soft skills without maintaining firm leadership can backfire. Let’s break it down.

The problem with being too nice

I’m talking personally here. I’ve gone full circle when it comes to my leadership style. For a long time at the start of my career, I was very much faking-it-until-I-make-it (more on that later) but failing to not protect myself or project by being a pushover.  To compensate for that I (incorrectly) became far too hard & unmoving which rubbed people up the wrong way & got the worst outcome on the project too. The key was to be somewhere in the middle. Being too nice, can often encourage the wrong behaviours in your team & your project will suffer. I was 100% guilty of all the below at the start of my ‘middle management’ career;

Image from efx.co.uk (link)

1. You Avoid Difficult Conversations

No one enjoys tough conversations, but as an Agile leader, avoiding them is a disaster waiting to happen. If a team member isn’t meeting expectations, or a process isn’t working, it’s your job to address it. Delaying tough discussions only makes problems bigger.

2. You Say Yes to Everything

Your stakeholders want more features. Your team wants more time. Leadership wants a faster delivery cadence. If you keep saying “yes” to please everyone, you’ll overcommit, overwork your team, and ultimately underdeliver. The best Agile leaders say “no” strategically and push back when necessary.

3. You Don’t Set Clear Boundaries

A team without structure will struggle. If you’re too focused on being liked, you might avoid enforcing meeting structures, deadlines, and work-in-progress limits. But Agile thrives on discipline—boundaries create clarity and improve team efficiency.

4. You Struggle with Decision-Making

Seeking input from your team is essential, but waiting for universal agreement before making a decision is a recipe for stagnation. Agile is all about quick iteration—sometimes, you need to make a call and adapt later. If you hesitate too much, you slow everything down.

Any of those sound familiar?

How to make the balance

If you recognize yourself in any of the scenarios above, don’t worry—there’s a way to be both empathetic and assertive. Here’s how:

1. Be Direct, But Kind

Deliver feedback with honesty, but in a constructive manner. Instead of avoiding issues, address them head-on with solutions-focused dialogue. Example: “We’ve missed the last three sprint goals. What do you think is causing that, and how can we adjust?”

2. Set Expectations and Stick to Them

Your team needs clear goals and boundaries. Once you set them, hold everyone accountable—including yourself. Consistency fosters trust and high performance.

3. Prioritize Outcomes Over Approval

Your job isn’t to be everyone’s best friend—it’s to create an environment where the team can succeed. That sometimes means making tough calls, challenging inefficient processes, and pushing back on unrealistic expectations.

Some final thoughts.

Agile leadership isn’t about being liked; it’s about enabling teams to deliver value effectively. If you’ve been prioritizing being nice over making hard decisions, it might be time for a recalibration. Leadership requires balance—so be empathetic, but never at the expense of outcomes.

Are you struggling with being too nice as a leader? Let’s talk about it in the comments! And if you found this post valuable, share it with your fellow Agile professionals.